QUESTION: I keep hearing about tantric sex positions and how sensational they are. What are they? How are they different from the usual sex positions? Can you explain how to do some? (My partner and I are not limber enough to do those Kama Sutra pretzel-y ones.) John, Princeton, NJ
ANSWER: Dear John, You don’t have to be a yogi in order to experience sensational tantric sex! Any body posture that feels good and comfortable to both of you and gets your sexual energy flowing is a tantric sex position. One of the ideas in tantric sex is, as Margot Anand puts it, is to stay relaxed in high states of arousal. How can you be relaxed when you are uncomfortable?
The Keys to Sensational Tantric Sex
Tantric sex is all about intention, attitude and being present. In Tantra, all techniques lead us to the point where our own personal spring merges with the ocean of great bliss, and where we relax into being rather than doing . At that point we become one with our partner, and the Divine Mystery, and there is true communion.
Letting go of the Goal
Sensational tantric sex is about the journey rather than seeking to get to a certain goal. The Big Orgasm feels wonderful, and it can open the door to the divine more easily than many other keys. However, by letting go of the goal you can find a lot of pleasure along the way that leads to being more orgasmic every moment, rather than having a 10-second Big Oh.
I’m sure you notice a great amount of energy during sex! And what happens when all your attention is focused on the genitals – eventually you ejaculate and it is all over. In tantric sex we consciously send the energy into our whole body to prolong the sexual experience and transform the pure lust and pleasure into a spiritual experience. It is pretty easy to move energy – just imagine that you are moving it! Before you know it the point of no return has transformed into a blissful seven-hour lovemaking session.
The breath can connect us to each other in ways that nothing else can. It is the link that runs between all human beings. Become aware of your own breathing, and harmonize it with your partner’s. To intensify the sexual energy, breathe faster and deeper. To draw back from a genital orgasm breathe shallower and slower. Experiment with breathing through the mouth and the nose. Explore breathing in and out simultaneously or share inverted breathing where one inhales when the other exhales.
Once you master these keys, you might not even want to practice any particular positions. But since you asked, here are two of our favorites.
POSITION 1: Yab Yum
A sexual position that could be described as a classic “tantric sex position” is the Yab Yum. Yab Yum is the Tibetan word for “Father Mother” and it signifies the merging and union of the male and female, of heaven and earth. In this position you can try the keys to sensational tantric sex that I have described above.
- The man sits on the bed or another flat surface with his legs folded in the half lotus position. If he finds it uncomfortable to sit in this pretzel-like position he can sit on a chair or on the edge of the bed instead, letting the legs dangle.
- The woman sits on his lap, straddling him, her legs encircling his waist. She can put a pillow under her buttocks to make it more comfortable. If both are sitting on a chair, her legs can just be loose over his legs.
- By raising herself up she can insert the vajra into her yoni. Whether he is erect or soft, either state works fine.
- Put the upper bodies close together for more skin sensation. Wrap your arms around each other.
- Place the tips of your tongues together and experiment with different ways of breathing. Try it with eyes closed, and with looking into each others’ eyes.
- You can explore a variety of movements in this position – the traditional in/out (up and down) of thrusting intercourse, side to side, or a rhythmic rocking of the pelvis.
- In the rocking motion, arch the lower back on the inhale, and round it on the exhale.
- Imagine that your sexual energy flows in a circle – from her yoni to her heart, then through her mouth into his mouth, down to his heart. From there through his vajra into her yoni and back up to her heart.
The benefits of this position are that you can have eye contact, kiss, and touch each other freely.
POSITION 2: “Fitting on of the Sock” and “The Rolling Tickle”
These are two positions that blend together nicely and are very suitable if you are not that flexible.
- She lies on her back, her head supported by a firm pillow.
- He kneels between her legs or sits on his heels. To support his knees, he can place a pillow between his buttocks and his heels.
- Her legs straddle his legs.
- He places his vajra along the entire length of her vulva and uses him to stroke her. He can use his free hand to stimulate other erogenous zones.
- When she is sufficiently lubricated and excited, he enters her.
- She reaches her pelvis up to meet his vajra in rhythmic motions.
- If she is flexible enough, she can pull her knees towards her chest.
- He penetrates her deeply as she rolls her thighs up and down. To support her and help her move, he can slide his hands under her buttocks.
The benefits of this position are that he can reach her G-spot directly with his thunderbolt, maintain direct eye contact and that both partners have their hands free for other stimulation and touch.
In these positions, as in tantric sex at large, the goal is not the earth shattering orgasm. The lovemaking is a journey of breathing, feeling, connecting, moving, being orgasmic and becoming one with our partner and one with all.
When you explore sexuality with consciousness and harness its powers to experience profound connection with another human being, you transcend the need for techniques and simply get into the flow.
This flow reaches all areas of your life. Sensational tantric sex experienced in the bedroom becomes ecstatic living every moment.