How one night of Tantra changed my life
How does a 48 year-old New York City health care lawyer who was living in a sexless marriage for over two decades transform into an Ecstatic Living Teacher and full-time sex and intimacy coach? One word: Tantra.
Picture this. Three months after I left my marriage, I met a man in New York City, Eric, who I started dating. I connected with him intellectually but he was needy and grabby, which was a huge trigger for me. You see, sex for me was always problematic. Not only did I not have pleasure, I had a lot of pain during sex. So, a sexually aggressive man was very scary to me. We dated for a while, but the relationship wasn’t going any place and I was ready to call it quits.
One day, I got a call from Eric inviting me to dinner because he had some very exciting news to share with me. He sounded different on the phone, more confident, more relaxed, and gentler. At dinner, he told me that he had just completed a Tantra weekend workshop and had a whole new understanding about sexuality. I had never heard of Tantra, which sounded really “out there” to me, but I listened with rapt attention as he explained what he learned at the workshop. At the end of our dinner, he proposed to offer me an evening of “goddess worship”.
“That first night of Goddess worship was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.”
I accepted the invitation for two reasons. First, the man at dinner was completely different than the man who had been grabby and sexually aggressive just a few weeks before. The Tantra workshop changed Eric and I wanted to know more. Second, no one had ever called me a goddess before, nor had said that they wanted to worship me. This, I had to experience for myself.
When I walked into Eric’s apartment, it was lit with candles, and soft, sexy music was playing. He was wearing a sarong around his waist. He drew me a bath filled with beautiful smells from the oils that he put in. He told me to just relax. The bed was covered with roses.
“I did not have crazy, screaming orgasms (those came later), but I did experience my body in a way I never had before…”
That night, Eric told me three things that I will never forget… “Tonight is solely about your pleasure. I am not even going to take my sarong off.” Then he said that there were, “Absolutely no expectations whatsoever.” We could start with a gentle massage and see where it goes. And finally, “You get to say yes or no and I will stop whenever you want.”
“I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing such an immense amount of pleasure.”
That first night of Goddess worship was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I literally just lay on his bed and allowed myself to be touched and pleasured with no expectations. I did not have crazy, screaming orgasms (those came later), but I did experience my body in a way I never had before… I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing such an immense amount of pleasure. And the connection I felt to my sexuality was completely new to me. I had a long road ahead of me, but that night lit a flame in my belly and gave me a mountain of hope. I did not have to be a broken woman anymore.
Little did I know that night was the beginning of a wondrous journey that would lead me across the continent into a whole new world and career as a SkyDancing Tantra teacher.
You might think that my journey is unique, but in every single Tantra workshop I’ve taught I've seen participants walk in the door as one person and walked out as another, completely transformed. I’ve seen that Tantra helps us shed the protective layer that keeps us from deeply connecting with ourselves and others… Like a caterpillar, once that layer is shed, the butterfly emerges and takes flight.
From Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure by Xanet Pailet
Author of Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure, Xanet Pailet is a certified SkyDancing Tantra Teacher who teaches for Ecstatic Living Institute. Read more...