Steve & Lokita Carter’s Top 10 Tantra Tips
Steve & Lokita Carter

You might think that being a tantric lover means that you know all kinds of fabulous sexual positions. Or that Tantra is all about sex. Well, Tantra includes sex, but it really is about your whole life. Steve & Lokita Carter’s “Top 10 Tantra Tips” offer you options to consider for enhancing your life and loving. Steve & Lokita have been using these simple yet powerful insights for decades in their personal tantric practice, and shared them in hundreds of workshops with over 15,000 people from all walks of life.

▶ Tip #1: Celebrate Your Body as Your Temple

Tantra is a body-based spiritual path. Connect with your body regularly. Be grateful for your body, and make peace with the way it looks. Your body is an amazing gift, whichever shape or age it is. Listen to your needs for well-being daily – food, sleep, positive attitude, rest and relaxation, acceptance of who you are, and treat yourself as a spiritual being.

▶ Tip #2: Give a Compliment

It always feels good to receive a compliment—both to women AND to men! Make a point to compliment your partner tonight on something that attracts your attention. Give a compliment to the bank teller, or the checkout person when you pick up your lunch order. It opens their heart instantly, and yours!

▶ Tip #3 Tell Each Other How You Like to Be Loved

Get to know yourself and your partner better. Set aside time (let’s say 10 minutes each) to tell each other—with words—how you like to be loved. Verbalizing it helps you to manifest your heart’s and body’s desire. Do this once a month, and you will find that there is no limit on ways you like to be loved. Every time you talk about it reveals new ways!

▶ Tip #4: Be a God / Goddess Right Now

Cultivate a new perspective – we are all perfect exactly the way we are, in this very moment! Recognize yourself as a divine being and open the door to deep acceptance and endless possibilities. Turn off your monkey mind, open your eyes, look in the mirror and really see yourself. And then—see all the ‘gods’ and ‘goddesses’ around you! There will be a new spring in your step for sure.

▶ Tip #5: Use Your Breath to Ignite the Fire Within

Give yourself some extra air. Enliven the oxygen in your blood stream by breathing more deeply. In the sexual context, bring attention to the breath. Breathe consciously, through the mouth, to invigorate your sexual energy and heighten arousal. Light the fire within, and fan the flames of passion with your breath!

▶ Tip #6: Ecstasy is Discipline—Put it on Your Schedule!

Dedicate time each week – for example one evening – to practice some form of ecstatic activity: love-making, a feast with someone you love, a massage and whatever is your ecstatic pleasure. Put it on your calendar. Yes, schedule your ecstatic time to give it its rightful priority over all other activities! Intimacy with yourself and your lover is an excellent stress buster.

▶ Tip #7: Take Responsibility for Your Own Pleasure

Even though you might have a great lover, essentially you are responsible for your own pleasure. Don’t just lie there thinking indignantly, “S/he should really know that I don’t like it like this, after all these years! I wish s/he would do it differently!” Be very precise and loving in your communication and gently guide your lover to your highest peak of ecstasy.

▶ Tip #8: Become the Master of Your Ship

Your body has the capacity to hold more energy than you can imagine! Next time you make love, set the intention to expand your sexual excitement throughout your entire body with movement, breath and sound. Decide not to have a genital orgasm. Each time you get closer to having a genital “O”, slow down, relax and move the energy through your body. When your sexual energy circulates inside your entire bloodstream rather than just your genitals, your body may respond with a full body “O”. It is different from a genital “Big O”. You will recognize that this type of “O” can take you to higher and longer states of arousal and altered consciousness than the few seconds of “The Big O” can offer.

▶ Tip #9: Meditate 100 Times a Day

It’s easy—return to the present moment as often as you can. Notice the feeling of the keyboard on the tips of your fingers as you type. Look at the person in the car next to you in the traffic jam. Appreciate the color of the flowers in the reception area of your office. Make love with your Goddess and take in her beauty with all your senses. Awareness is the key.

▶ Tip #10: Live the Tantric Attitude

Living with the tantric attitude helps us to relate to ourselves and the world at large with an open heart, a clear mind and a relaxed body. Can we connect with others honestly and from the heart? Share our feelings and vulnerabilities, as well as our love unconditionally? When you are in a challenging or annoying situation, do you react to it with anger or frustration, or do you respond with spaciousness? And your body – right now, are you connected with your body? Is there pain and contraction, or ease and relaxation? Check in with yourself many times a day to refresh your tantric attitude!

© Steve & Lokita Carter